After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
