You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
