I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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