Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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