Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
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apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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