Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
