That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
