What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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