I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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