Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
