I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
