another moral hangover. fuck.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
