You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
