i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
