I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
