broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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