He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
As shirtless as possible
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
