The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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