I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
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Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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