Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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