I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
