We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
