YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
