just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
