let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
