she woke up with a sticky ear
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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