It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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