my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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