in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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