I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
