It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
