Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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