my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
