You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
