I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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