Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
