My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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