I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
