Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
