sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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