i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
