I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize