Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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