Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
