that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
