Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm at about main and main street
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
