I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
