I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
