My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
the day after is always just damage control
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
