I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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