I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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