New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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