First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
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I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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