No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
