i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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