She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
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He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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