Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
