She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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