I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize