your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
