Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
