That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
