Yo dont text me then not text me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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