I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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