ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
