Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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