I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Holy sore nipples Batman
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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