Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
